It sounds like a great idea, right?

Until you have to do it.

Last year I had to do it.

Four weeks off when you don’t choose it, when you don’t go away somewhere exciting or fulfill a passion is more of a challenge than a holiday.

And I had no choice.

I’ve had chronic fatigue for thirty years post leukaemia which has always had a component of left heart failure, or that’s my interpretation. When I got  a viral cold a few months ago the coxsackie virus seems to have done its thing and further damaged my heart.

I’m well used to the challenge of having a short work day. Planning my energy, pushing on through. I’m used to limiting my activity, controlling my social agenda and leaving lots of room for the days when the fatigue has spent every energy dollar before I got out of bed.

But it got much worse. The cough didn’t go away, it increased. Short and sharp and hacking, Often just a couple but sometimes rolling unstoppably on and on till I ended in a breathless heap.

And the headache, with every cough. Every time I bent forward or stood for more than a moment one or both eyes would quietly fade as the pressure built. Walking became impossible beyond 10 steps.

I stopped sleeping, too breathless. then coughing and anxious.

It got me down. I knew I was being ‘lovely to be near’ but couldn’t help myself.

I rang the doctor. “I think I have left heart failure.”

“Come now.” she said. I went. And it was.

“You have to have at least an month off” she said.